The blizzard adds the "fun" to funeral at St. Anns. For some reason people are just dying to get into our cemetary this week!
Death has always been freakishly intriging to me. Although I am afraid to get near anything deceased, I am obsessed with pouring over details that surround how someone dies. I think its human nature to be insanely curious over the unknown that is the end of living. Or maybe its just me?
I've never had to face the death of anyone terribly close to me except my Grandfather. And even his death I escaped the hardcore greiving that would have been his funeral. I went on vacation in Florida. He died 15 minutes before we boarded the plane. Grandma had informed us that she would hold off the funeral until we got back home in a week because that's how Grandpa wanted it. Well, by the time we landed, she had changed her mind. We had to decide if we wanted to hop on a plane and go back or spend the rest of the week on vacation. Due to the fact that we were with my at the time 1 and a half year old nephew and 3 and a half year old niece, we decided it would be best to stay on vacation. Our logic, they were really excited and happy. It made more sense to stay and be happy than explain how we had to go back home to be sad. It made sense then and still makes sense to us now. There's more to the story that I don't care to share but in the end, Grandpa loved those kids and wanted them to enjoy life and not worry about him.
So, working at a church has been interesting. The great celebration of life is all around. We have between 12-15 funerals a year which means 12-15 church lady lunches. That's right. The staff of St. Ann's, I think, can be classified as funeral crashers. This week, we will crash 3. And its only FEBRUARY!!! I'm hoping for an abundance of leftovers to last through next week!
Its awful, i know. But those ladies just cook so well!!!! They mainly bring a variety of side salads and pasta salads and of course, a TON of desserts! My favs include cheesy potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, asian salad with ramen, and baked beans. Sometimes they just have cold cust sandwiches and chips which is awesome too, but we usually get those in the summer. Hot food is for winter.
It reminds me of working at channel 6. The chef from the Machine Shed always cooked up a full Sunday Dinner for Saturday Morning Breakfast. It was awesome. Not much more can be said for that.
In the end, I think I just like food. Free food at that. And what do people love more than burying the dead? Eating right after! So Bon Apetite this week! In between snowflakes of course. :). Oh yeah, the inspiration of this blog is that I saw them dig a grave for the first time in my life today. It wasn't as interesting as I thought. I told them to call me when they hit a casket or have to exhume a body like they did the Big Bopper in the Buddy Holly fiasco.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I want to get my hair cut, but my kid needs diapers.
I rarely get my hair cut anymore. Seriously. Twice in the past 5 years. I've been known most of my life to "Rule with an iron ponytail". Its a cute phrase. I like it. But, what I would really like, is to get it cut off.
My last 2 haircuts have been donated to Locks of Love. You have to have a 10 inch ponytail to donate your hair to make wigs for cancer patients. It may sound dumb, but its really hard to do. It takes dedication. You really gotta want it. Especially in winter.
I have really fine hair and when it gets dry in January, my head looks like I've been rubbing a balloon on it for the past 3 hours. And then the hair either stands freely in the air, or plasters itself to my neck. Thats where the "iron ponytail" first appeared. When hair sticks to my neck, a white hot anger grows in the pit of my stomach. I get so frustrated. I don't even wear hats in the winter anymore because of how stupid static hair is. I just want to shave my head. I'll totally go Britney Spears on all your asses. Total Post-Partum Ape Shit crazy. GOSH! I HATE HAIR ON MY NECK! It's pissing me off just thinking about it!
(Then of course in the summertime, I get all hot and sweaty and I don't like hair on my neck.)
So anyway, taking prenatal vitamins is like miracle grow for your hair and fingernails. I haven't cut my hair in over 2 years 10 months of that on prenatals. The Iron Ponytail is loooong. It's got to go. So why don't I just waltz into Great Clips and get it lobbed off? The answer is easy. I have only trusted 1 lady with my haircuts for 12 years. Thats right. I got a lady. I should just schedule an appointment. But I don't. Haircuts can be pricey. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well do it right. Haircut and Highlights. Its the only way to go. A haircut is a lifestyle change. When you want to go from a 16 inch ponytail to 0, you have gotta make the rest look good. But my husband doesn't see it that way. Apparently child rearing is expensive. Also, he thinks my long hair is sex-ay.
Part of me just wants to go and get it done, but the other part of me (Mike) will get angry if I ding the bank account. And I just had a kid. Mike saw the whole thing happen so its not like sex is going to happen for us anytime soon. So, in a total joking way, Mike said if I didn't get my haircut, neither would he. So for the pure sport of it, I am going to put up with the rest of this winter and as long as it takes to see how long Mike can last without getting his hair cut. As soon as he cracks, so will I. Mike also has this weird thing about hair. He likes to keep his short also. Not only to impress the patrons of Culver's, but his hair is curly and gets all afro puffy when its long. But the bottom line is, he looks good with short hair. Reeeal good. I think its sex-ay.
So, he has his ways of getting on my nerves, I have my ways of getting on his. Marriage is all about comprimise.
My last 2 haircuts have been donated to Locks of Love. You have to have a 10 inch ponytail to donate your hair to make wigs for cancer patients. It may sound dumb, but its really hard to do. It takes dedication. You really gotta want it. Especially in winter.
I have really fine hair and when it gets dry in January, my head looks like I've been rubbing a balloon on it for the past 3 hours. And then the hair either stands freely in the air, or plasters itself to my neck. Thats where the "iron ponytail" first appeared. When hair sticks to my neck, a white hot anger grows in the pit of my stomach. I get so frustrated. I don't even wear hats in the winter anymore because of how stupid static hair is. I just want to shave my head. I'll totally go Britney Spears on all your asses. Total Post-Partum Ape Shit crazy. GOSH! I HATE HAIR ON MY NECK! It's pissing me off just thinking about it!
(Then of course in the summertime, I get all hot and sweaty and I don't like hair on my neck.)
So anyway, taking prenatal vitamins is like miracle grow for your hair and fingernails. I haven't cut my hair in over 2 years 10 months of that on prenatals. The Iron Ponytail is loooong. It's got to go. So why don't I just waltz into Great Clips and get it lobbed off? The answer is easy. I have only trusted 1 lady with my haircuts for 12 years. Thats right. I got a lady. I should just schedule an appointment. But I don't. Haircuts can be pricey. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well do it right. Haircut and Highlights. Its the only way to go. A haircut is a lifestyle change. When you want to go from a 16 inch ponytail to 0, you have gotta make the rest look good. But my husband doesn't see it that way. Apparently child rearing is expensive. Also, he thinks my long hair is sex-ay.
Part of me just wants to go and get it done, but the other part of me (Mike) will get angry if I ding the bank account. And I just had a kid. Mike saw the whole thing happen so its not like sex is going to happen for us anytime soon. So, in a total joking way, Mike said if I didn't get my haircut, neither would he. So for the pure sport of it, I am going to put up with the rest of this winter and as long as it takes to see how long Mike can last without getting his hair cut. As soon as he cracks, so will I. Mike also has this weird thing about hair. He likes to keep his short also. Not only to impress the patrons of Culver's, but his hair is curly and gets all afro puffy when its long. But the bottom line is, he looks good with short hair. Reeeal good. I think its sex-ay.
So, he has his ways of getting on my nerves, I have my ways of getting on his. Marriage is all about comprimise.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I'm married to Mike Jones bitch!
So, I firmly believe that Mike and I are totally meant to be together forever. We go together like water and oil. Vinegar and Baking Soda. Vegemite and anything else.
Today is a big day for Sebastian. Me too I suppose. It is his first day of daycare. NO I didn't cry shockingly, but I have dabbled on facebook looking at the photo album dedicated to him. He's growing up so fast. Its exciting, exhausting, scary, sad, and wonderful all rolled into one.
So I left the home of the care provider and immediatly called up Mike.
"He's there." I said with a sigh. Expecting some great comforting words of hope from my husband. Instead all I got was "Oh." I asked him if he was okay, hoping he'd reciprocate the gesture of comfort. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Clearly he is joking with me, right? Wrong. He was totally serious. The conversation went downhill from there. I was looking for a shoulder to lean on and he was confused as to why I would need said shoulder.
I could quote the rest of the conversation, but I don't exactly remember how it all went down specifically. I was kind of shocked. Why doesn't he care that his little boy is growing up? The entire 7 weeks I was off work, i was the main care giver to Sebby. Now, a stranger is watching him. All day long. To me, that time was just for me and baby and once I had to go back into the real world, thats when he would start growing up. I could stop him for just those 7 weeks, and now its time for him to start his life outside of my watch.
I was occupied for most of my morning catching up with work, but I worked a little too well and finished it all and here I am stewing over the clock, waiting until 4pm to go pick up my baby boy. So while I obcess over the obvious abcense, Mike carries on like its another day, because to him, it is. He has to work and has had to work since we got out of the hospital 7 weeks ago. He's had to say good-bye to him every morning. This was the first time I really had to say good-bye and fully trust him with a person outside of my family.
Mike has never ever been one for good words in the right order. When I went to the emergency room with blood poisoning a few years ago, he had tickets to Ron White and wouldn't skip it. His only words were "Keep me posted" which is now a running joke. Before we met, a woman approached Mike at a bar and asked him to dance. His response? "Sure, I've got nothing better to do!"
He is very self centered and is aware of it. He is nothing but honest. He doesn't sugar coat things. He gets a little carried away sometimes when he is being goofy. He is just Mike. And after thinking about the events of the morning, he is just what I need. He made me think about why I am so upset over Sebastian growing up. I mean seriously? He has to do it sometime. Yeah I wish that I could be with him all the time, but when I am with him, sometimes I want a break. And I know that he is safe at daycare. I trust his babysitter. As Mike said "If I didn't trust her, he wouldn't be there."
So really, I am okay. Mike is blunt about things, but my imagination tends to veer off course quite a bit and he keeps me grounded. He drives me nuts at the same time, but why would I want to be around someone that lets me run away with my imagination? He knows i worry too much and am a worst case scenario thinker. Something that seems like a big deal to me, he shows me the bigger picture and I realize there are bigger things, like worrying about when Sebastian is bigger and doesn't live at home anymore.
For now, Sebby needs to do these things to grow up. He has to be a kid and he has to learn on his own. I can't hold his hand every step of the way. Its what is so sucky and so awesome about being a parent. I've made this thing and now its time to let him loose on society. Look out world. Mike Jones & I made a baby. You've been warned.
Today is a big day for Sebastian. Me too I suppose. It is his first day of daycare. NO I didn't cry shockingly, but I have dabbled on facebook looking at the photo album dedicated to him. He's growing up so fast. Its exciting, exhausting, scary, sad, and wonderful all rolled into one.
So I left the home of the care provider and immediatly called up Mike.
"He's there." I said with a sigh. Expecting some great comforting words of hope from my husband. Instead all I got was "Oh." I asked him if he was okay, hoping he'd reciprocate the gesture of comfort. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Clearly he is joking with me, right? Wrong. He was totally serious. The conversation went downhill from there. I was looking for a shoulder to lean on and he was confused as to why I would need said shoulder.
I could quote the rest of the conversation, but I don't exactly remember how it all went down specifically. I was kind of shocked. Why doesn't he care that his little boy is growing up? The entire 7 weeks I was off work, i was the main care giver to Sebby. Now, a stranger is watching him. All day long. To me, that time was just for me and baby and once I had to go back into the real world, thats when he would start growing up. I could stop him for just those 7 weeks, and now its time for him to start his life outside of my watch.
I was occupied for most of my morning catching up with work, but I worked a little too well and finished it all and here I am stewing over the clock, waiting until 4pm to go pick up my baby boy. So while I obcess over the obvious abcense, Mike carries on like its another day, because to him, it is. He has to work and has had to work since we got out of the hospital 7 weeks ago. He's had to say good-bye to him every morning. This was the first time I really had to say good-bye and fully trust him with a person outside of my family.
Mike has never ever been one for good words in the right order. When I went to the emergency room with blood poisoning a few years ago, he had tickets to Ron White and wouldn't skip it. His only words were "Keep me posted" which is now a running joke. Before we met, a woman approached Mike at a bar and asked him to dance. His response? "Sure, I've got nothing better to do!"
He is very self centered and is aware of it. He is nothing but honest. He doesn't sugar coat things. He gets a little carried away sometimes when he is being goofy. He is just Mike. And after thinking about the events of the morning, he is just what I need. He made me think about why I am so upset over Sebastian growing up. I mean seriously? He has to do it sometime. Yeah I wish that I could be with him all the time, but when I am with him, sometimes I want a break. And I know that he is safe at daycare. I trust his babysitter. As Mike said "If I didn't trust her, he wouldn't be there."
So really, I am okay. Mike is blunt about things, but my imagination tends to veer off course quite a bit and he keeps me grounded. He drives me nuts at the same time, but why would I want to be around someone that lets me run away with my imagination? He knows i worry too much and am a worst case scenario thinker. Something that seems like a big deal to me, he shows me the bigger picture and I realize there are bigger things, like worrying about when Sebastian is bigger and doesn't live at home anymore.
For now, Sebby needs to do these things to grow up. He has to be a kid and he has to learn on his own. I can't hold his hand every step of the way. Its what is so sucky and so awesome about being a parent. I've made this thing and now its time to let him loose on society. Look out world. Mike Jones & I made a baby. You've been warned.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Okay... 2 blogs, 1 day Look out world!
First day back at work. How quickly we fall back into the annoyingness that is the world of employment.
First, I'll start on a positive note. Sebastian gets to come to work with me!! 2 days a week, he'll be my office assistant. The pay sucks for him, but we get to hang out so its cool.
Now onto why I haaaate today. I've been out for 7 weeks and the pile on top of my desk grew somehow. So not only do I get to go through the pile that I have procrastinated on dwindling down, I get to go through all the new growth that people plopped down. Most of it will be put in the circular file.
So I logged on my computer this morning. My email has been wiped clean. Terrific. So not only are all the old emails gone, I don't have new ones either. All my contacts are gone and it looks like my schedule is pretty free and clear because thats all gone too! I somehow mistakenly found 80 new emails by trying a bunch of stuff and I have no idea how I got there. I assume this is how a burnout in the 70's would feel.
So the challenges of working with my baby. First thing, he never ever ever ever ever wants to be put down. This makes my typical work day difficult. I now have to type one handed, eat one handed, surf facebook one handed, and it literally just occured to me, if i want to go to the bathroom, he either has to come with me (gross), or I can ask the secretary to watch him while I do my dooty. AND, if I have to make dooty, she'll know what I did. And contrary to popular belief, I don't always announce at work when I drop the deuce. I like to be discreet. And, if you read my previous blog, you'll understand why I like home court advantage.
Next challenge of baby workforce. I was feeding my child the way nature intended. My office door was locked, baby and booby were covered up by a hooter hider incase anyone happened to glance through my window. Well, low and behold, old man parishoner that I know quite well got to know me a little better. He unlocked my office door with his key and came in to give me a baby gift. He noticed I was feeding but this didn't phase him. So I thought "Well, if it don't bother him, whatever. I'm covered up." So we're talking about this and that, and eventually he's been in my office for 20 minutes and its time for Jr to be burped. As soon as Jr was unlatched, said parishoner stopped talking mid sentence and ran out of my office like his pants were on fire. I WAS STILL COVERED UP!! Ugh... Hopefully he got a lesson in what I like to call "boundaries" today. I didn't even get to say thank you for the babies r us gift card!
So, because I have no emails to go through, and no addresses to email people... we have 3 hours left at work. So, I blogged twice, been on facebook quite a bit, and gotten a little bit of real work done for confirmation. It's like I never left.
First, I'll start on a positive note. Sebastian gets to come to work with me!! 2 days a week, he'll be my office assistant. The pay sucks for him, but we get to hang out so its cool.
Now onto why I haaaate today. I've been out for 7 weeks and the pile on top of my desk grew somehow. So not only do I get to go through the pile that I have procrastinated on dwindling down, I get to go through all the new growth that people plopped down. Most of it will be put in the circular file.
So I logged on my computer this morning. My email has been wiped clean. Terrific. So not only are all the old emails gone, I don't have new ones either. All my contacts are gone and it looks like my schedule is pretty free and clear because thats all gone too! I somehow mistakenly found 80 new emails by trying a bunch of stuff and I have no idea how I got there. I assume this is how a burnout in the 70's would feel.
So the challenges of working with my baby. First thing, he never ever ever ever ever wants to be put down. This makes my typical work day difficult. I now have to type one handed, eat one handed, surf facebook one handed, and it literally just occured to me, if i want to go to the bathroom, he either has to come with me (gross), or I can ask the secretary to watch him while I do my dooty. AND, if I have to make dooty, she'll know what I did. And contrary to popular belief, I don't always announce at work when I drop the deuce. I like to be discreet. And, if you read my previous blog, you'll understand why I like home court advantage.
Next challenge of baby workforce. I was feeding my child the way nature intended. My office door was locked, baby and booby were covered up by a hooter hider incase anyone happened to glance through my window. Well, low and behold, old man parishoner that I know quite well got to know me a little better. He unlocked my office door with his key and came in to give me a baby gift. He noticed I was feeding but this didn't phase him. So I thought "Well, if it don't bother him, whatever. I'm covered up." So we're talking about this and that, and eventually he's been in my office for 20 minutes and its time for Jr to be burped. As soon as Jr was unlatched, said parishoner stopped talking mid sentence and ran out of my office like his pants were on fire. I WAS STILL COVERED UP!! Ugh... Hopefully he got a lesson in what I like to call "boundaries" today. I didn't even get to say thank you for the babies r us gift card!
So, because I have no emails to go through, and no addresses to email people... we have 3 hours left at work. So, I blogged twice, been on facebook quite a bit, and gotten a little bit of real work done for confirmation. It's like I never left.
Don't have sex
Last night, Wednesday, January 19, 2010, I left my warm cozy little home and headed north to Long Grove, Iowa for my first real night back at work. I left my tiny little baby in the arms of a capable husband. Said my good-byes to my sweet little boy and my husband, got in the car, and shed a couple tears. My Honda Pilot roared to life and the exhaust system spewed out toxic waste into the atmosphere. I could see my breath as I drove down my street. Eventually the heater kicked in and the interior of my SUV began to feel like a Wednesday in the Bahamas.
Okay, enough descriptiveness. Onto why I told a 16 year old girl to not have sex last night. To protect the girl's identity, we'll call her "Pricilla".
Pricilla: JULIA!! I started working at that school, and this guy I work with is SOOO HOT!!
Julia: Oh really? Remember, sex can wait.
Pricilla: He's 22!
Julia: Dear Lord! Stay away from him.
P: What? I'm not going to have sex with him! I'm only 16.
J: And that would make you jailbait for him.
P: Yeah I know. But he's reeeally hot!
J: If you have sex with him, you will get hemorrhoids.
P: What are hemorrhoids?
J: **facepalm** and shakes head disapprovingly A hemorrhoid is something you really don't want to get.
P: How do you get them?
J: By having sex.
P: Just by having sex?
J: Well, not directly. But if you get pregnant and deliver a baby, you will get "the roids".
P: But what are they?
J: Okay... (clears throat) Well, your butthole is basically a muscle. You know, your "o-ring", your sphinter? Anyway, that muscle is full of veins that blood is carried to to keep your poop from falling out all over the place. When you put great pressure or force on you butthole, sometimes those veins pop through the fibers of the muscle and kind of push out. So when you poop, your poop presses on the nerves that gets pushed out too and its so painful you just want to die. And when you look in the toilet, there may be blood.
P: stares blankly
J: Don't have sex. You'll get hemorrhoids.
AM I GREAT AT MY JOB OR WHAT!?!?!?!
Okay, enough descriptiveness. Onto why I told a 16 year old girl to not have sex last night. To protect the girl's identity, we'll call her "Pricilla".
Pricilla: JULIA!! I started working at that school, and this guy I work with is SOOO HOT!!
Julia: Oh really? Remember, sex can wait.
Pricilla: He's 22!
Julia: Dear Lord! Stay away from him.
P: What? I'm not going to have sex with him! I'm only 16.
J: And that would make you jailbait for him.
P: Yeah I know. But he's reeeally hot!
J: If you have sex with him, you will get hemorrhoids.
P: What are hemorrhoids?
J: **facepalm** and shakes head disapprovingly A hemorrhoid is something you really don't want to get.
P: How do you get them?
J: By having sex.
P: Just by having sex?
J: Well, not directly. But if you get pregnant and deliver a baby, you will get "the roids".
P: But what are they?
J: Okay... (clears throat) Well, your butthole is basically a muscle. You know, your "o-ring", your sphinter? Anyway, that muscle is full of veins that blood is carried to to keep your poop from falling out all over the place. When you put great pressure or force on you butthole, sometimes those veins pop through the fibers of the muscle and kind of push out. So when you poop, your poop presses on the nerves that gets pushed out too and its so painful you just want to die. And when you look in the toilet, there may be blood.
P: stares blankly
J: Don't have sex. You'll get hemorrhoids.
AM I GREAT AT MY JOB OR WHAT!?!?!?!
Monday, January 17, 2011
My brother made my day today
I have 3 older brothers. Matt, Nick, and Andy. We all share a Mom and Dad.
I see Matt and his family quite often. I see Andy's wife more than I see him. And Nick, I don't see him as often as I see the other 2. But now, I definetly won't see him for a while. Nick is known in the better circles as Sgt. Nick Osterhaus. The last time I saw him was Christmas eve. It sucked that I had to say good bye to him on a holiday that should typically be surrounded by joy. But I don't want to talk about that.
Nick has been in Texas preparing for his 2nd tour overseas. He's being sent to the sandbox to what I assume is to help with the troop pullout of Iraq. Why send more troops into the country when we want them out? Anywho, Nick's plane was supposed to leave today to head overseas, so he was making his last calls home to keep everyone informed. I was one of those lucky phone calls. It made my day. And I kind of feel bad about it.
My main source of communication for the past 6 weeks has been Sebastian. He's not one for conversation so naturally anyone that calls me, gets a lengthy- Jr. High girl verbal diarhea. I'm that hyperactive pug who's eyes pop out when human contact is made.Or the nerdy kid that gets picked 2nd to last in gym class and by my excitement, the team captain realizes they should have chosen the kid with the broken arm for dodgeball because nobody wants the annoying kid on the team.
So my brother innocently calls me and he gets ambushed. We basically talked about children. His and mine. I think I bored him. That previous sentence doesn't sound correct but I'm too lazy to make it work.
So this is my apology blog. I'm sorry I'm such a spaz Nick. I go back to work this week and will be around many other human beings and I promise to not talk so much next time we chat.
I care a great deal for everyone in my family. It's tied with God for the #1 things I care about most. I worry about them all every day. I pray for them all everyday. But for the next 11 months I will be praying especially for Nick, his wife, his daughter, and their fetus.Tonight's prayer will be for thanksgiving. That Nick is safe for one more night and that he is 1 day closer to coming home.
God Bless Our Troops and please bring them home safe.
I see Matt and his family quite often. I see Andy's wife more than I see him. And Nick, I don't see him as often as I see the other 2. But now, I definetly won't see him for a while. Nick is known in the better circles as Sgt. Nick Osterhaus. The last time I saw him was Christmas eve. It sucked that I had to say good bye to him on a holiday that should typically be surrounded by joy. But I don't want to talk about that.
Nick has been in Texas preparing for his 2nd tour overseas. He's being sent to the sandbox to what I assume is to help with the troop pullout of Iraq. Why send more troops into the country when we want them out? Anywho, Nick's plane was supposed to leave today to head overseas, so he was making his last calls home to keep everyone informed. I was one of those lucky phone calls. It made my day. And I kind of feel bad about it.
My main source of communication for the past 6 weeks has been Sebastian. He's not one for conversation so naturally anyone that calls me, gets a lengthy- Jr. High girl verbal diarhea. I'm that hyperactive pug who's eyes pop out when human contact is made.Or the nerdy kid that gets picked 2nd to last in gym class and by my excitement, the team captain realizes they should have chosen the kid with the broken arm for dodgeball because nobody wants the annoying kid on the team.
So my brother innocently calls me and he gets ambushed. We basically talked about children. His and mine. I think I bored him. That previous sentence doesn't sound correct but I'm too lazy to make it work.
So this is my apology blog. I'm sorry I'm such a spaz Nick. I go back to work this week and will be around many other human beings and I promise to not talk so much next time we chat.
I care a great deal for everyone in my family. It's tied with God for the #1 things I care about most. I worry about them all every day. I pray for them all everyday. But for the next 11 months I will be praying especially for Nick, his wife, his daughter, and their fetus.Tonight's prayer will be for thanksgiving. That Nick is safe for one more night and that he is 1 day closer to coming home.
God Bless Our Troops and please bring them home safe.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
MTV- youre doing it wrong
So I mentioned before that I am an avid watcher of 16 & Pregnant and its sequel Teen Mom. Many adults believe that these shows glorify teen pregnancy and parenthood. I for the most part disagree with them.
I don't know what teen would watch that show and say to themselves "I want that life!". First off, they all still live with their parents. Sometimes their baby daddy moves in to their house too. AAAAWWWWWKKKKWAAAAAARRRDD!
Sorry, but you couldn't pay me enough to live with my parents anymore. Granted I am 9 years older than the show subjects. But still, most 16 year olds are already pretty sick of living under mommy and daddy's roof. Having a kid would more than likely just prolong that hell.
Next, sometimes you see these kids go out to lunch with their babies and friends but I'll bet MTV has 6 weeks worth of footage of these kids sitting at home watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. They try to text people, but they aren't getting responses. So instead of using their phone for communication, they end up using the camera feature to take hawt pics of them holding their baby. But when they check the photo, they see they didn't conceal their double chin very well. So they take another one where they look super sexy. Meanwhile their baby in the photo has a huge booger creeping out and their clothes are stained with spit up.
So my mission with this blog is to expose what MTV should be showing to reverse the opinions of the nay-sayers.
The first thing they should show is during the pregnancy. How about starting out small by showcasing how hard it is for a pregnant person to get comfy. There isn't much that can be done easily to make a pillow top bed comfy. I myself had 6 extra pillows on my "half" of the bed. By half, I mean the half that would be considered 2/3 due to my excess bedding.
Now,let's get a little graphic. I didn't have this problem, but I think they need to show more of these girls peeing themselves. Or, their irritability from constipation. Now THERE is a bitch!
Let's move onto post partum. Screw the lack of sleep and the screaming baby. The worst part of after the baby is the roids. You know, the hemrroids. If I knew then what I know now, perhaps I would have thought twice about Jr. In fact, when I return to work, my new reason for pushing abstinence with the kids will be just that.
First you're upset that you can't poop, then you're upset because you have to!
Ugh! MTV, if you have 1 episode dedicated to hemmys or the perineal tear, I think we can changes lives.
I don't know what teen would watch that show and say to themselves "I want that life!". First off, they all still live with their parents. Sometimes their baby daddy moves in to their house too. AAAAWWWWWKKKKWAAAAAARRRDD!
Sorry, but you couldn't pay me enough to live with my parents anymore. Granted I am 9 years older than the show subjects. But still, most 16 year olds are already pretty sick of living under mommy and daddy's roof. Having a kid would more than likely just prolong that hell.
Next, sometimes you see these kids go out to lunch with their babies and friends but I'll bet MTV has 6 weeks worth of footage of these kids sitting at home watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. They try to text people, but they aren't getting responses. So instead of using their phone for communication, they end up using the camera feature to take hawt pics of them holding their baby. But when they check the photo, they see they didn't conceal their double chin very well. So they take another one where they look super sexy. Meanwhile their baby in the photo has a huge booger creeping out and their clothes are stained with spit up.
So my mission with this blog is to expose what MTV should be showing to reverse the opinions of the nay-sayers.
The first thing they should show is during the pregnancy. How about starting out small by showcasing how hard it is for a pregnant person to get comfy. There isn't much that can be done easily to make a pillow top bed comfy. I myself had 6 extra pillows on my "half" of the bed. By half, I mean the half that would be considered 2/3 due to my excess bedding.
Now,let's get a little graphic. I didn't have this problem, but I think they need to show more of these girls peeing themselves. Or, their irritability from constipation. Now THERE is a bitch!
Let's move onto post partum. Screw the lack of sleep and the screaming baby. The worst part of after the baby is the roids. You know, the hemrroids. If I knew then what I know now, perhaps I would have thought twice about Jr. In fact, when I return to work, my new reason for pushing abstinence with the kids will be just that.
First you're upset that you can't poop, then you're upset because you have to!
Ugh! MTV, if you have 1 episode dedicated to hemmys or the perineal tear, I think we can changes lives.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
learning new tricks
So far, 2011 (pronounced Two thousand eleven. Who gives a crap about "Twenty Eleven") has been a year full of lessons.
First, my son could give a crap about 12:00am January 1. He knows the party is really all about January 2!!!! Well, that's the night he decided to stay up to party anyway. Little shit screamed his head off from 10p to about 12:06am. Once he had his fill he was out like a trout. He could give 2 craps about celebrating January 1. In fact, he did and I have the diapers to prove it.
Next lesson, you cannot rely on church times. Mike and I prepared our son for a mass at 10:30 in Long Grove. We were a little late. I admit we arrived at 10:36. Apparently that was an hour and 36 minutes too late. And apparently going on maternity leave isn't an excuse for not reading the bulletin. My bad....
Next lesson, I can blog from my blackberry!!! So you'll really never know if I'm breastfeeding right now, or pooping, or driving my car while I blog now will you?
And to close, a conclusion that I have come to about New Years. Besides the fact that it is the silliest holiday tradition world wide to literally wait for the time to pass, I've noticed on quite a few facebook statuses that people are already disappointed with their lives in 2011. Okay people. Seriously!?! Is the second hand of a clock really a magic wand that erases your bad karma, or luck and makes the bad feelings disappear??? Hell no! Its been two fucking days. The year will be what you make of it. If you say its going to be a bad year, guess what Debbie Downer, It will be! Pick your self esteem up out of the gutter you yakked in 2 nights ago and give yourself a reason to have a good year. Its not going to happen unless you try!
End rant. Follow me on twitter. Jjones0902
First, my son could give a crap about 12:00am January 1. He knows the party is really all about January 2!!!! Well, that's the night he decided to stay up to party anyway. Little shit screamed his head off from 10p to about 12:06am. Once he had his fill he was out like a trout. He could give 2 craps about celebrating January 1. In fact, he did and I have the diapers to prove it.
Next lesson, you cannot rely on church times. Mike and I prepared our son for a mass at 10:30 in Long Grove. We were a little late. I admit we arrived at 10:36. Apparently that was an hour and 36 minutes too late. And apparently going on maternity leave isn't an excuse for not reading the bulletin. My bad....
Next lesson, I can blog from my blackberry!!! So you'll really never know if I'm breastfeeding right now, or pooping, or driving my car while I blog now will you?
And to close, a conclusion that I have come to about New Years. Besides the fact that it is the silliest holiday tradition world wide to literally wait for the time to pass, I've noticed on quite a few facebook statuses that people are already disappointed with their lives in 2011. Okay people. Seriously!?! Is the second hand of a clock really a magic wand that erases your bad karma, or luck and makes the bad feelings disappear??? Hell no! Its been two fucking days. The year will be what you make of it. If you say its going to be a bad year, guess what Debbie Downer, It will be! Pick your self esteem up out of the gutter you yakked in 2 nights ago and give yourself a reason to have a good year. Its not going to happen unless you try!
End rant. Follow me on twitter. Jjones0902
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