Genesis Hilton

So, I've been in the hospital since last Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011.  (thats two thousand and eleven because I don't give a crap)

Apparently a side effect of pregnancy is gall stones in my gallbladder.  And a side effect of gallstones is if you stay in the hospital for 5 days they won't feed you.  Thats right.  I am limited to ice chips, yellow or green jello, chicken broth, popsicles, hot tea, grape juice or apple juice.  Which when you haven't eaten in 5 days you may think to yourself "Hm, that sounds like a buffet!" 

But everytime one of the teenage food deliverers enters my room i just hold my hand up and say no.  I don't want it.   I am so fricking hungry that if I can't have what I want, I won't eat anything at all.  Maybe its to show my doctors just how whiny I can be.  Maybe its because it all sounds so disgusting.  "We won't feed you food, but here is all this sugar and salt! Bon Appetite!'   Gross.  Seriously.  I don't know ANYONE that specifically makes yellow jello just to eat it.

My surgery is scheduled for Monday March 7th.  I want to go home sooooo bad.  I don't wish this on my worst enemy.  I've been reduced to watching the same reruns of the Jersey Shore, ABC Family, I think I watched the last 15 minutes of Aladdin today, and just endless channel surfing which reassures a previous blog. I think you're dumb if you pay for cable tv.

They offer me a free paper every morning.  I don't read it.

I know they are trying to make my stay here as nice as possible but honestly, when I come to a hospital I just want to be miserable.  I don't want to enjoy this.  I am already trying to make the best of a bad situation.  But this situation is awful.

I can't care for my son.  I don't even want him here.  A hospital isn't a place for a 13 week old.  My family has all be pitching in to help out which is nice but I still find a way to make it bad.  I wish it was me caring for him.  He has been on formula for the past week because I can't feed him and it really makes me angry everytime I see him and he gets fatter everyday from all the fillers they put in formula.  His cheeks are sooo  pudgy.  His baby fat curls itself around his pacifier.  He wasn't like that when I was caring for him.  My husband tells me that his diapers are absolutely horrendous.  He smells awful too. 

I know this is the whiniest blog ever but like I tell everyone that has been visiting.  I just sit here all day and stew.  I do nothing.  I wait.  I watch the clock.  I sip juice.  I think about how much this sucks.  I talk to nurses that come in.  They always offer to bring me ice chips but you can only pretend its water flavored ice cream for so long.

So I'll end this rant now.  I'm tired of whining but I can't stop.  Facebook is lame.

wants to eats fewds

Okay. So I'm laid up in the hospital. They won't let me eat anything until after my surgery. So I haven't eaten anything since tuesday night. Here is a list I have compiled of things I want to eat.

Macaroni and cheese
Chocolate custard
Spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread
Tacos
Popcorn
Chips and salsa
Mashed potatoes and gravy
Bread
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Ramen
California rolls
Vietnamese eggrolls
Butterburger and fries
Crispy chicken sandwich with lots of mayo
Cookies
Hungry hobo
Uuughh soo hungry.

Until then I will just pretend my ice chips are what I really want.

I gots the foods poisoning.

Ugghhh.  I'm going to recap the last week of my life for you.  Hang on tight.

Sunday Morning 7:30am-  Mom comes over.  We load up my dogs and take them to the kennel for boarding.
8:00am- Finally leave the place after prying mom away from her dumb dogs. You should have seen her.  It was pathetic. You would think they were leaving for Iraq.
8:45am- arrive at work to facilitate a quick fundraising meeting.  I'm thinking this should take 20 minutes.
10:00am- running through the building dodging parishoners to get back to my car without being asked anymore questions.
10:30- pick mom up from her house
11:00am on the road an hour late :(

We were headed to Nashville TN. Yup.  Me.  Mike.  Sebby. and Mom.  The 4 best friends that anyone could have.

1:00pm- stopped at the Cracker Barrel in Morton IL for lunch with Mike's high school buddy.

3:00pm- back on the road
9:00pm- arrive in Clarksville TN to stay the night.  I had White Castle for the first time in my  life.  Meh.  I don't get it.

Monday Morning-
7:00am- Wake up Sebby.  Pack up his million and one things
8:00am- head to Nashville
9:00am- Arrive at the Gaylord Opryland Resort and think "This place is HUGE!"  Because it was.

So we get checked into our room.  The let us check in early because we had a baby.  Isn't that sweet of them?  I'm going to start using my kid to get more cool things like that.  Maybe board a plane first?  Or pass the line at Texas Roadhouse?

Anywho,  The time stamps from here on out get questionable. So bear with me.

Monday Morning- Try to navigate the many halls and atriums of the hotel with my mom and Sebby while Mike goes to class at his Convention.

Lunch was a bunch of different paninis, cous cous- very delicious.  home made chips that were under a heat lamp but cold for some reason, and water.

Hang out some more

Cocktail reception- I had bottled water, chips and salsa, tiny pieces of ny strip steak on triangle crackers, this weird little thai salad served in a martini glass, and eggrolls that were filled with shredded buffalo chicken.

After the reception I had a calzone with meatsauce over it for dinner at the hotel pizza restaurant.

Bedtime

Tuesday Morning

Ate breakfast. Had a delicious muffin with some weird crumbly stuff, fruit, yogurt and milk

Went to the opening session and saw Lee Greenwood peform.  Awesome.

Went to the trade show.  Ate Custard cake, sweet potato fries, pub burger, tenderloin sandwich, chicken sandwich, smashed potatoes with cheese and sour cream, brownie sundae, Custard Nachos, ketchup (I'm a squeezer and so is Sebby), blueberry and strawberry lemonade, lime ice, bottled water, apple chips, mozzarella sticks, cheese curds, onion rings, cake batter concrete mixer, and a couple more things but I forget what.

After the trade show, went for a walk with Sebby and mom

Tuesday evening- went to the wildhorse saloon.  Had pulled pork, grilled chicken, steak, deep fried pickles, and water.  Watched the Craig Morgan Concert. 

In bed at midnight.  Really exhausted and a slight tummy ache.  Perhaps I ate too much today?

Wednesday morning- skipped breakfast and laid in bed

skipped the closing session and laid in bed

skipped lunch and laid in bed

1:00pm- tried to walk around but it didn't last.  Went back to bed.

6:00pm- Mike made me get out of bed, put on my dress and some makeup and go down to the Gala Dinner Cocktail party.   Drank bottled water.  Slowly.

7:00pm was seated for Gala dinner. 
Waited until they served the salad and asked Mike to walk me back to the room.

Went back to bed

8:30- blew chunks
9:00- blew chunks
10:30- blew chunks
11:15- Mike came back and I blew chunks
Midnight- more of the same
2:00am- trots cha cha cha
3:00am- cha cha'd some more
5:00am-  Baby woke up and I blew chunks and trotted.
7:00am- start packing for the car ride home.  with interuptions every 5 minutes.
9:00am- back in the car for the journey home

we stopped at 1 gas station and 1 rest stop.  I refused to get out of the car both time.  I will not EVER use a public restroom while on the road.  Sometimes I hate myself.

6:00pm- back home.
All day Friday in bed with multiple bathroom breaks

Saturday- in bed most of the morning.  Went to Matt's house for a couple of hours, then back home and watched tv until 4 when I went to Grandma's for her party.  They were serving Hot dogs and chili with all those fixins, chips and dip, and candy out the yin yang.  I had 2 pieces of licorice and water.

Went to Comedy Sportz.  I had the water with a side of comedy.

Sunday morning- Sebby's baptism.  We served pulled pork sandwiches, pasta salad, baked beans, chips and cake.  I ate 2 bites of my sammy, a few chips, a serving of beans and a serving of pasta and a root beer.

Went home after that and laid in bed for a while.

Had sketti for dinner.

I feel much better today.    So after all that stuff I ate last week.  Want to know what the culprit was?   Well... Mom and I both got sick so we thought it could have been anything.  But then on Sunday, we found out that Mike's friend was sick too.   Ladies and Gentlemen.  I got food poisoning from the Cracker Barrel while vacationing at the husband's Convention for a restaurant chain I cannot name.  Just my rotten luck.   It was a crappy week.

Procrastination turns into production

I hate working sometimes.  I am sure I am the only person on earth that procrastinates, but today i just wasn't feeling like getting stuff done. My work day started at 9am.  Here is what I did today at work so far:

Went and talked to the Secretary for a while
Made an ass of myself to my boss yet again
Emailed parents
went looking for my boss all over the building, but instead found a bunny burrowed into a snowbank against the window in the day chapel
Looked at the bunny
Went back into my office and found my boss
Talked to my boss
Wrote out a to do list
Called my cousin
Worked on attendance
Looked at my to do list
Made lunch for all my co workers (Sandwiches and heated up leftover mostaccioli from the weekend)
Ate lunch
Did the lunch dishes
Washed the dishes of a co worker that didn't eat lunch with us
Washed my water bottle
filled up said water bottle
Drank said water
Looked at my to do list
looked for a book that I brought into my office last week to work on projects from last week that are on my to do list
Decided it was time to clean up my office
Hunted down a box for recycling old books and papers
organized one of my bookshelves
went through a bunch of old crap
Threw some stuff away
Moved my file cabinet that I never use
Moved my heavy desk a foot and a half to the left
moved my monitor to sit on top of the PCU
Looked at my to do list
poo'd
checked one thing off my to do list
decided to blog

So here we are at the end of that list.  I got to thinking about how funny it is that I wanted to clean my office.  Really, its hilarious. 

2 years ago, My office became messy.  While I was in Iowa City for a meeting, apparently some representative from the parish insurance company did a surprise visit to walk around the building and write up any "potential hazards" in the building.  There were 2.  The first is that the parish stores the casket cart for funerals in a doorway that is literally only used for funerals.   The second that my office was messy.  I admit that it was sort of a pit, but there was CLEARLY a safe walkway from my door to my desk.  Apparently if there were a fire, I would be too stupid to leave my office and instead panic and run around tripping over everything.

Fast forward to this year on my maternity leave.  Merry Christmas!  I got written up again.  But I firmly state that this time, my office was WAY cleaner than the last time I got written up. Still sloppy, but everything was stacked and shoved up against a wall so there was no need for a safety path.

So today, I noticed almost immediately that if you organize your bookshelves first, it makes everything else look better!!  I also learned that if a binder full of curriculum is more than 5 years old, I won't  use it.  Also, I won't use anything that I haven't looked at in 2 and a half years.  Which is basically Every other binder on the shelf.

And the whole time I kept thinking, why do we save stuff?  Why do we keep the clutter?  When I was pregnant, I wanted to throw everything away to make more space for the baby's stuff.  I'm glad I did it because not only do we have more room for baby items, I don't have stupid trinkets from my childhood, I can just fill the house with his stupid trinkets.

But now back to my office.  Not that my office wasn't functional before, but now I have a renewed sense of work ethic.  I feel like I can work for the next hour!  I'm so proud of myself!

Holiday Schmoliday

My friend Annie posted a blog this morning referencing Valentine's day.  I had lost all track of my calendar and didn't realize that it was coming up so quickly.  But then again, it doesn't really matter that much.

My husband is cheap.  The first 3 years of our relationship, Valentine's day presents were always a day late and half price.  Economically thinking, it made sense.  Why pay full price for chocolate, when the next day, the same chocolate has to be sold off because of it's packaging?  Or the stuffed Animals, you can get 2 for the price of 1?

So 2 years ago, I made a decision in my relationship.  No gifts.  Unless it's Christmas or my birthday.  That means no Anniversary gifts for either of us, no birthday gifts for Mike (he prefers it this way), and certainly no Valentine's day gifts.

Part of my reasoning is the irritation of receiving half priced unwanted crap every year.  They say it's the thought that counts, but really there was no thought behind it.  Mike knew after years of conditioning by the greeting card industry, he had to get his girlfriend something pink or red or fluffy or chocolatey for the February holiday.  So he obliged, only half assed.

As for Anniversary gifts, flowers die, I don't wear jewelry, and sex is free.

Mike is the hardest person to shop for in the world.  No joke.  Find me someone harder to shop for that doesn't like sports, doesn't have a hobby, doesn't collect anything, and if he really needs something, he just goes out and buys it.  This makes Christmas especially hard.  So in reality for Christmas, I buy him stuff that he thinks would be neat, but I'll end up using it.  As for his birthday, see the Anniversary reference.

I pick out my own birthday gift, but for Christmas, he has to shop for me.  We only spend $50 on each other which makes it even more challenging. 

So, how does a girl survive without a Valentine's day gift?  Easy, I make up for it for him all year long by buying myself ridiculous crap like sewing stuff, yarn, crafty things and food.   He never says a word.  So while you may think it's messed up, believe me.  It works out perfectly for the both of us.  Especially the Anniversary reference.  Bow Chicka Wow Wow!

Flashback

So this is blog worthy.

I started out my morning just as every other morning. Asleep. My alarm went off at 645 because I had to go to work this morning. So I turned it off and closed my eyes again. At about 710, my phone was ringing. I squinted at the screen to see it say Msgr. Oh fuck, my boss is calling.

When I worked at channel 6, it wasn't uncommon to sleep past my alarm and get a call from an irritated coworker. ***enter my flashback***

Even though I wasn't supposed to be at work until 745, I was in full freakout mode.

"Hi!!! I'm getting out of bed right now, I'm on my way, I wasn't sleeping! Hello!?"

Msgr was very confused at this point. I was tearing the bedsheets off of myself and my eyes were still closed.

"Uhm, Julia? It snowed out here, what is the weather like in town?"

My response? "It's dark".

Who the hell says that!? Apparently I do. So now he was even more confused then before. So I then opened my eyes and looked out the window. "Holy crap, it snowed again!". If my boss doesn't think I'm an idiot, it would be a miracle.

Seriously, please don't have conversations with me first thing in the morning.

So anyway, my boss is a self proclaimed "snice-aphobe" meaning he is afraid of snow and ice. So he ended up telling me not to rush into work. So I put my jammies back on and crawled back in bed to tell dear husband the good news. His response?

"Damn your job is too easy". And then he farted. The end.

3 Funerals and a Blizzard

The blizzard adds the "fun" to funeral at St. Anns. For some reason people are just dying to get into our cemetary this week!

Death has always been freakishly intriging to me. Although I am afraid to get near anything deceased, I am obsessed with pouring over details that surround how someone dies. I think its human nature to be insanely curious over the unknown that is the end of living. Or maybe its just me?

I've never had to face the death of anyone terribly close to me except my Grandfather. And even his death I escaped the hardcore greiving that would have been his funeral. I went on vacation in Florida. He died 15 minutes before we boarded the plane. Grandma had informed us that she would hold off the funeral until we got back home in a week because that's how Grandpa wanted it. Well, by the time we landed, she had changed her mind. We had to decide if we wanted to hop on a plane and go back or spend the rest of the week on vacation. Due to the fact that we were with my at the time 1 and a half year old nephew and 3 and a half year old niece, we decided it would be best to stay on vacation. Our logic, they were really excited and happy. It made more sense to stay and be happy than explain how we had to go back home to be sad. It made sense then and still makes sense to us now. There's more to the story that I don't care to share but in the end, Grandpa loved those kids and wanted them to enjoy life and not worry about him.

So, working at a church has been interesting. The great celebration of life is all around. We have between 12-15 funerals a year which means 12-15 church lady lunches. That's right. The staff of St. Ann's, I think, can be classified as funeral crashers. This week, we will crash 3. And its only FEBRUARY!!! I'm hoping for an abundance of leftovers to last through next week!

Its awful, i know. But those ladies just cook so well!!!! They mainly bring a variety of side salads and pasta salads and of course, a TON of desserts! My favs include cheesy potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, asian salad with ramen, and baked beans. Sometimes they just have cold cust sandwiches and chips which is awesome too, but we usually get those in the summer. Hot food is for winter.

It reminds me of working at channel 6. The chef from the Machine Shed always cooked up a full Sunday Dinner for Saturday Morning Breakfast. It was awesome. Not much more can be said for that.

In the end, I think I just like food. Free food at that. And what do people love more than burying the dead? Eating right after! So Bon Apetite this week! In between snowflakes of course. :). Oh yeah, the inspiration of this blog is that I saw them dig a grave for the first time in my life today. It wasn't as interesting as I thought. I told them to call me when they hit a casket or have to exhume a body like they did the Big Bopper in the Buddy Holly fiasco.